Tuesday, 14 February 2012

My Cold Black Heart

Today's post is a very special one, because to some today is a very special day, full of hearts and flowers and looooooove.

While I'm not a huge fan of Valentines Day, I much prefer the day after which I call 'Discount Chocolate Day', I'm no longer one of those people who sneer or try and bring it down (I used to threaten to pass out chicken hearts in high-school). But in my old age I've softened, so if you want to buy someone you love a little something be my guest, I just hope you're smart enough to realize that you don't HAVE to just because Hallmark and Tiffany say so.

Anyways, besides all the gifts and romantic sentiment Valentines Day is also a day where people sit at home watching movies, be it sappy love stories or romantic comedies. Now, clearly I am not a fan of either so I thought I would give you all a list of alternative movies to watch on this love fest day.

#1 - Love Object

A while back I made my friend Monika watch this movie, thinking that she would find it as funny as I did.
............
Needless to say she didn't and she still holds it against me. However, should you be as demented as I am you will get a kick out of this tale about a man and his real doll. It features some great moments (the bondage scene cracks me up) and not only touches on the idea of making yourself happy, so to speak, but also the dangers of getting obsessed with people and wrapping the survival of your happiness in them.

#2 - May

I love May, it's a great little independent film that hits close to home in the way that at one point we've all been that shy, weird girl whom people ignore.
Or maybe that's just me.
Either way, a great little story about a girl who is just looking for the perfect friend and the lengths that she'll go to find, or make one.Added bonus, lots of songs from The Breeders.

#3 - Cherry Falls

Okay, this movie isn't actually that good but the idea is a hilarious one. A killer is going around the town of Cherry Falls killing all the virgins, so all the teens decide to have a massive sex party to not get killed. Kind of cute little idea that pokes fun at the whole 'if you have sex in a horror movie you will die' idea.
Also? Four magic words to get you to watch it: Jay Mohr in drag

#4 - Hannibal

People always look at me weird when I say that this is a romantic movie but if you think about it it's true. The relationship between Lecter and Clarice is an interesting one, based on mind games and the whole cat and mouse thing, and yet it's also very sweet in a way. I mean come on people, he cuts off his hand for her! How many of you can say that your boyfriend would be willing to do that?

#5 - Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love

Another good little indie film that takes the traditional zombie story and adds a little twist to it. After being bitten by a zombie on the hospital ward, shy little Nurse Patsy begins to change. But instead of becoming a shambling member of the undead she casts off her shy personality and becomes a flesh eating sex kitten. Another good example of female empowerment through horror, and also some good moments of male vs female power control within the work force.

#6 - Teeth

I saw this movie at the Dublin Horror Film Festival a few years back and fell in love with it, a clever little film that touches on abstinence, rape, body changes, masturbation and female empowerment in a upbeat and funny sort of way. You also get the added bonus of watching Hale Appleman make puppy dog eyes every time he's on screen.

#7 - Rosemary's Baby

I will admit that I can put this movie on any list, it's my absolute favorite. I love everything about it; the fashion, the sets, listening to Mia Farrow's voice.....total love.
But I'm mainly putting it on the list because no matter how much you might be in pain on Valentines Day, after having your heart broken, or feeling totally alone, well at least you're not having the Devil's baby. And at LEAST you're not dating/married to Guy, who is the slimiest coward ever to exist. I mean, he sells his wife out for an acting gig, is a total dick to her when he KNOWS she's having Satan's baby, plus he makes fun of her hair cut.
GO DIE GUY.

#8 - Candyman

Not necessarily a strong choice but it have some relation to candy (sweets to the sweet anyone?) but I think it still works. Or that might be because of my love for urban legends which this movie is full of, or it could be my love of Tony Todd and his incredible voice.
Either way it's a great movie, plus you get to listen to Phillip Glass' spooky soundtrack and see Ted Raimi try and be a biker bad-ass.

#9 - Bride of Chucky

He may not be the most realistic or scariest killer in the horror genre but I will always have a soft spot for Chucky. He's a sarcastic asshole who laughs maniacally when killing people, what's not to like? And in this film you not only get him but you also get Jennifer Tilly who is fucking adorable.

#10 - Dagon

I put this one on the list because nothing says Valentines Day like tentacle lovin!

-Voodoo Pixie

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE this list!!!!
    I haven't thought about Love Object in years, but I loved it when I saw it... in 2003!!!
    I love May, as you know. That movie kicks some ass and Angela Bettis nails it!!
    And Dagon too... Anyway, I love this list and miss you lots. Keep rocking!!!
    lovin' the podcast too..
    Phillip

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